i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
