There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
