does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
