so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
