I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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