Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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