Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
