I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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