You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
