So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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