HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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