You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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