omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
