I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
