Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
