: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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