I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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