what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
