i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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