Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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