just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
