at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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