Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
