In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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