just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize