I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there was a trapeze. enough said
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
