Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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