Cold hands, warm shart.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize