I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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