I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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