the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
