Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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