Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
