Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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