one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
