My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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