I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
