i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
