how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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