I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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