Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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