Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
