i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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