Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
