New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
