I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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