Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
