I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Girls should come with a carfax report
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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