Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
