I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
