At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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