I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
