how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize