Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
