this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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