Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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