I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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