I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
