i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
