I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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