well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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