Do you still have your period?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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