so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
