Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
