xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
