In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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