I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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